TWO DOGS

I had a tree break apart a few days ago.  I didn't have the money to have it removed.  Since the economy crashed and people, especially people my age, have been forced to take jobs that don't fit their skill or their former pay scale, I have lived paycheck to paycheck. I no longer have a nest egg for a rainy day. 

I looked at that tree and my first thought was, "Well God, how are you going to take care of this one?"  I knew the tree was no surprise to God. I knew I didn't know how to take care of it.

I found an old friend who takes down trees and a deal was made.  When the tree men arrive, I put my two dogs in the house. One dog, Taz, is a nervous girl. She was abused as a pup. When we adopted her, she was about to be put down because she was so filled with fear and anxiety that no one wanted her.

The second dog, Dixie Belle, is a very calm old girl.  She was also neglected and eventually abandoned. I was always there to climb a fence and feed or water her. She ended up on my porch when she was left behind.

Taz knew the instant the strangers trespassed in her back yard. She barked, nonstop, as they felled two trees. She barked as the trees were removed.

Dixie Bell was laid back. She watched what was happening, looked at me, then went to the carpet to rest. She had every bit of confidence I had it all under control. 

As life goes on, I hope God will see me acting more like Dixie Belle and less like Taz. I may not know how things will end, but know to trust the One who has control.

LIVING ON FAITH

I have been at my new job for 4 full weeks now and I like it, very much. I am a substitute teacher, now. That means that each day I am at a new location with a new group of children. I never know what I am going to teach, either.

I find that this job is really going to stretch my faith. You see, there is no guarantee that I will have a job on any given day. With so many teacher layoffs, there is a lot of competition for sub work. I get up every morning and check my computer for a job for the day--almost like an act of faith. The job may be there or it may not. I keep checking. It was pretty hard to find the jobs at first, but am getting better.

As I said, this is really stretching my faith. I have to believe that there is a reason I do or do not get the work. Maybe there is something else I need to be doing on my "off" days. I find myself really focusing on how I spend my time, lately. I hope the focus pays off.

Anyway, I find I am grateful for the work that comes my way. I am happy to go to my job and maybe that will eventually pay off with increased work. I hope so.

Learning to live by faith sometimes takes a lifetime to learn.

FAITH & HOPE

When I was in high school, my history teacher asked me, "What is faith?" I replied that, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things yet unseen." You see, I had memorized my Bible verses well.

The teacher challenged me further. He did enjoy challenging his Christian students. "Just what does that mean?"

I muttered something, but both he and I knew that I didn't have a clue what the scripture meant. Over the years I have remembered that conversation, because I don't think I really ever discovered the meaning of that verse until recently.

When I lost my dream job I hoped for a new job and a better day. When I went with my son on visits to see my ex-husband before he died, I hoped that someday I could laugh and be happy again. When I got a new teaching job, I hoped it would be the one that could satisfy me. When I write at the computer, I hope that it will lead to the manuscript that others will wish to read. As I try to put my life back together in this bad economy, I hope for a better day--or even a day like I used to enjoy.

About 1 1/2 years ago I was in chronic pain, so bad it regularly woke me from my sleep. I had seen doctors in the past who told me it was all about my weight. Doctors didn't realize at the time that my weight gain was a symptom along with the pain--not totally what was causing the pain. Time after time I visited doctors, hoping to someday escape the pain.

Visiting doctors was an act of faith. When a diagnosis was finally reached--I was given specific instructions for a lifestyle change, but no medication. To comply with these activities was an act of faith.

Faith is not a noun. It is a verb. Hope is seeing something--visualizing it. Faith is moving toward that vision. Faith is the actions you take to reach the goal for which you hope. When I worked out to strengthen my muscles and relieve my pain, it was in essence an act of faith. I hoped to someday be able to walk without a limp, to be able to sleep through the night again, to escape the chronic pain. Today I was able to work in the yard, to rake, to shovel, to sweep for over an hour. That was such a victory. Faith and hope took me there.

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen."

I will someday find a satisfying career again. I will write something that others will want to read. I will someday find a way to overcome, even in this economy. I have hope. It is what keeps me filling out job applications and typing on this computer. Hope is the goal. Faith is the action.

It took about 30 years, but now I can explain it to my history teacher.

GOD'S WILL

When I was young I was a real Paul Simon fan, but I did have an objection to his views about God. I still don't agree with his theology, but in the past few years I have empathize with the lyrics of one of his songs, popular in the early 80's. The lines went like this:

God only knows,
And God makes His plans.
The information's unavailable to the mortal man.
We work our job,
And collect our pay.
We think we're gliding down the highway
When, in fact, we're just slip-sliding away.

I look at my life and I wonder, what is God's will for my life? Am I in God's will? If not, when did I get out of His will? I am convinced that I once was in His will. It is all so confusing to me. I often wish it could be clearer--like an email or text message. Walgreen's has a sign that flashes its weekly specials on it. Why couldn't I see a message like that.

Sure, the holier of you are saying God's message to us is the Bible and if we study it, we will know the path to follow, but for those of us who are a bit more dense, the message is still not so clear. Hey, I have trouble working a GPS, so I am easily misguided. Following chapters and verses to help me with specific matters at work or in my life is sometimes confusing.

I was discussing this in Sunday school and my teacher, Al, suggested that I meditate on this verse for awhile:

Be still and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10.

Sometimes we are so busy praying, we don't listen for an answer. I really do want to know what I am supposed to be doing. Perhaps I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I don't really know.

I guess I will just be still for awhile.

Faith and Hope

I have decided to jump into the deep end of the swimming pool, so to speak. I sent a manuscript to a publisher. Now I play the waiting game.

I have been down this road many, many times. Why? After all, there are more failures than successes. I guess I just don't know how not to write. It is in my blood, something I must do.

I have been working on my resolution and heard a sermon that really touched me. The key scripture was Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.

Hope gives us a goal, a vision for the future. Faith is acting upon that vision. I guess I had been getting it wrong all these years and what this man preached made real sense to me.

It reminded me of the story about the farming community that was suffering through a drought. All the ministers and community leaders planned a prayer meeting. Everyone in town attended and prayed great prayers asking for rain. One young child, however, brought everyone else to shame, for that young child was the only one to arrive with an umbrella in his hand.

It is our hope that gives us the vision that causes us to pray. It faith that causes us to find our umbrellas.

I guess that is why I continue to write and try to publish articles and books. I hope to make it as a writer and faith is what causes me to keep at it.

If this attempt doesn't work out, there will be another down the road.