Magi's Journal--Entry 14

Entry 14: Worth

I did all that I could to regain my strength--ate a little and rested a little. For two nights the star seemed suspended overhead as if waiting for us to follow.

On the third night I convinced my companions I was strong enough to travel. It was cloudy and the animals stumbled as we moved slowly along the path. Silently we worried for we could not see the star.

I was still very weak and seemed to lose energy quickly. When we stopped for a break, I could barely hang onto my beast. I slid from his back and onto my feet, barely able to stand.

This God of Belthshazaar is a demanding deity. He requires everything in me, and demands I bend to his will. It is my nature to be in opposition.

Malchiah noticed my struggle. “Are you all right? We can set up camp here if you are unable to travel further.”

“I am doing well.” I acted coolly, limping toward a cluster of tree while gazing into the darkness. In the distance were the hooves of Zedekiah’s horse as he scouted the path ahead.

“Let me help you,” Malchiah persisted, walking toward me and offering me a hand as I bent to sit on a stump nearby.

“Leave me alone. I just want to rest here a moment,” I said in frustration.

“Don’t be so bad-tempered. You shouldn’t be traveling at all.” Malchiah sat close beside me, under the gnarled old tree. “We almost lost you once. It is only because of a miracle that you are with us now.”

“A miracle,” I asked. “If this God is so all powerful, couldn’t he have warned me of the scorpion? Why doesn’t he move the clouds so we can see the star?”

I leaned my back against the tree trunk and sighed. “I don’t like the way this God does things!”

“Ha, and you called me the cynic. I have come to understand that I am here because this is my destiny. It is why I was born. I see no reason to be angry with God.” Malchiah’s voice was tempered by reason.

“I thought this God was different.” I mused aloud. “I thought the Hebrew God might know who I am--that he needed me to perform a task. I willingly complied. Now I feel--I feel . . .”

“Neglected? Betrayed?” Malchiah chuckled. “A god may want man’s help--but need man’s help? I don’t think so! You felt you were necessary to the plan of this great, powerful God. A true god does not need anyone to accomplish his will. If we had refused this journey, someone else would have taken our places or the task would be accomplished in another way."

“I hope you weren’t trying to make me feel better," I said, sullenly. “You are saying that God isn’t taking me for granted. Instead I’m simply worthless to him.”

My friend showed a hint of a smile. “I am simply trying to put things in the correct perspective. We are not doing God any favors. We are, however, following our destiny. It is not our burden, but our privilege to do God’s will.”

We were silent for a while. I stared into the sky, looking for some sign of our lost star. Then I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

Eventually I felt a nudge as Malchiah woke me. “It is time to continue. The animals have had their drink. Come on, we must try to find our way.”

In the distance I heard hoof beats, then a shout. Startled, we ran to join the other men in the caravan. Relief quickly replaced our apprehension.

“I found it! I found it--up ahead!” It was Zedekiah. He dismounted and tried to catch his breath. “The star! Once you round the bend you will see it, too! It is in full view. We are not lost!”

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Scripture Meditation
Matthew 18:1-4